After almost a whole year of silence, cryptic posts and private posts I had no courage to let the world read, it seems as if I’ve awoken from a long, deep sleep.
I can’t believe how quickly the year has gone by, yet it seems like a long time because so many things have happened. I made changes at work, I made new friends, I met people who inspired me, I met people whom I fell in love with, I got re-acquainted with people from the past. I saw some of my best friends move on to another phase of their lives – one got engaged, one got married and one gave birth to a baby girl. I saw two close friends lose family members close to themselves. I attended many weddings, cringed at some and cried at some. I attended a memorial and as I always do, wondered why.
And yet, what have I taken back from all of this? Life is, indeed, unpredictable. Love, particularly, is nothing I imagined it to be. There is one whom my rational mind tells me to let go of, and I do most of the time, until we hang out, and my heart breaks every time. There is one who is probably years too late, I question myself as to why there cannot be acceptance on my part, and I cannot seem to find an answer myself. There is one who seem to live a life parallel to mine, albeit thousands of miles away, who have by some strange twist of events, stumbled into mine. I have in fact, after all these years, become detached – I don’t really feel anything anymore, I don’t really ask why anymore, because I never get any answers.
But recently, I find that I may have come one full circle and actually believe in the wonders of how the world works in its mysterious ways – do we call it serendipity? fate? Whichever it is, maybe it’s enough to know that there are still possibilities, that this isn’t just it.
So here I am, on the brink of yet another year, and possibly, more than one new beginning. You think that maybe I can have more faith this time?
